Say no to phones

I hate technology.
I really really dislike it.
Well I like computers and such, but phones.... nope.
Phones hate me.
My first phone fell in the toilet because it just decided to vibrate off my counter and into the open hole.
Second phone thought it would be really cool to mysteriously get a cracked screen and die.
Third phone slipped out of my back pocket and fell into the toilet, in Indiana, and on Christmas Eve.
The phone I have, or used to have, slips out of my pocket, yet again, and falls into the school toilet. Surprisingly, it worked, but just yesterday, while I was on my way into a building, my phone falls to the cement where it took its' last breath of life.
I am now phoneless.
Honestly, I should just stay like this because I don't know what to do anymore. No matter how careful I am or what I try to do, phones just don't wanna work with me.
I am going to Verizon today to get a new phone.
Once this one falls in a toilet, hits the ground of death, or shuts down, I'll let you know.